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Before the foundation for a new house
is begun, the land is first surveyed. The contractor wants to become
familiar with the characteristics of the site, where does it need
to be leveled out, what is the best spot for the house, which direction
should the house face, etc? Then the blueprints have to be carefully
designed to meet safety codes as well as the specifications of the
future owner. The same thought and planning needs to go into a marriage,
the foundation of the family.
Premarital Surveys provide premarital
couples with an opportunity to survey their relationship. Areas
of exploration include the family of origin (the family you grew
up in, the place where you acquired your blueprint for how a family
should be built), communication, conflict resolution, decision-
making, intimacy and sexuality, religion and spirituality. Couples
are encouraged, (but not required), to request a Premarital Survey
before the wedding date has been set.
Houses benefit from regular inspections
for the presence of pests, leaks, or structural weakness. These
problems are more effectively corrected when discovered early. The
same is true of marital relationships. Marriage Inspections provide
couples with an opportunity to inspect their relationship in an
effort to identify where they are, where they would like to be,
and how to get there successfully.
Parenting is one of those jobs presumably
governed by instinct. However, while there may be some as yet undiscovered
genetic factors that contribute to one's predisposition for parenting,
my observation and experience, along with a great deal of evidence,
would suggest that parenting is largely learned. Although we all
serve as apprentices for a period of about 18 years, (some apprenticeships
being more helpful than others), none of us is adequately prepared
for the awesome responsibility of parenting.
As marriage and family therapists
we are trained to help people communicate more effectively. However,
I have found that if people don't know what they are talking about,
how they talk about it really doesn't matter. I have been amazed
at how little parents know about child/adolescent development, adopting
realistic expecta tions, setting and enforcing limits, providing
age-appropriate choices, and demon strating encouragement. Apparently,
a great deal of the parenting going on is mere reaction rather than
informed, premeditated action.
The Parenting Inspection is intended
to be a tool parents can use to evaluate their own parenting, to
aid them in thinking about what it is they are doing, could be doing,
need to be doing in order to build, maintain, and even repair relationships
with their children. The parent-child relationship is the foundation
for every other relationship that our children will ever have. As
marriage and family therapists we can help parents craft tools that
will allow them to build relationships with their children that
are solid and strong - relationships that are built to last.
The parenting inspection is a 37
items checklist used to measure dimensions of parenting such as:
- Childhood Experience
- Respectfulness
- Parenting Enjoyment
- Discipline
- Parenting Confidence
- Expressiveness
- Verbal Communication
- Involvement in Education
- Support System
- Parenting Team
- Peer Influence Awareness
- Developmental Awareness
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